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Monday, March 30, 2009

application to murdoch is accepted. should i be feeling happy? i know i should be feeling happy now but im not (after talking to you). i really dont understand why i always choose to avoid this subject. be it before i filled up the application form, in the process of waiting for their reply and even after i received their emails. i still choose not to let you know. it isnt because you dont deserve to know. it is because i want to avoid the conversation. the conversation between us. the things you are going to ask me. about our future. do you know how i feel over this thing? its not as if i dont give a shit about our relationship. it is because im afraid of being rejected. have you ever been in a relationship where your boyfriend started ignoring you when he has no interest in you and yet he hasnt ask for a break up. do you know how it is like when you keep messaging him everyday when you know that he wont reply? let me tell you this. both my exs did that to me. both!!! can you imagine that? thats why i choose not to talk about the future. what, i dont wish to break up with you, hope we can stay faithful to each other and whatever shit a guy will tell his girlfriend. i dont believe in that. the reason being is who knows? maybe one day when i return and i saw you walking on the street holding hands with another girl. or maybe one day you ask for a break up for no reason (which both my exs did to me). so whatever it is, lets not talk about it now. shall we? dont bother to reply or message me regarding this if you ever read this post. im sorry...

twentynine gets out of here at 11:46 PM